Aside

First things first. I’m really overwhelmed by the number of views and responses my very first post gathered. Not like I was expecting anything less because I’m a strong believer and a ‘I am determined to never giff up’ ~in Kanu Nwankwo’s voice~ kinda girl…JUST KIDDING!!! I’M ECSTATIC! Let me just cut down on the excitement and say a supa-dupa Thank you to everyone who visited, read, assimilated, understood, didn’t understand, shared, criticized, laughed at, and commented on the post. God will make y’all bigger.

I promised to get back to the guys on my next post. As a sort of a disclaimer, this post hereby denies any affiliation with anybody living or dead, any coincidence observed is just what is – a coincidence. That said, I may proceed.

Some months back, I was in my office…well, a part-time job in a community pharmacy situated at Wuse2, Abuja. Sandwiched between notorious hangouts like Wine Shop and Amigos supermarket (yea, people “hang’ there FYI), it did not come as a surprise the categories of drugs and non-drug items that customers demand for. Anyways…this beautiful evening – I work on evening shifts- a dapper young man came in and asked for Ampi-clox, a popular antibiotic brand in Nigeria. Off I went to the shelves, bringing him 2 sachets, which is the specified complete dose. To my dismay, which quickly turned to amusement, this dude said he wanted just 2 capsules. I was honestly surprised, and tried to be all professional about it, trying to explain the pharmaceutical balderdash about the effects of incomplete antibiotic dosage regimen, but my guy would hear none of it. He raved and ranted and questioned my certificate.

mad man I witnessed smoky ears for the first time, no jokes.

When the fracas was finally over, one of the sales-lady called me aside and told me this juicy scoop, ‘Pharmacist, no mind them o, na so them dey do…when them sleep with ashewo finish, them go take 2 capsules of Ampi-clox make them no cash HIV’. I’m like Shuooo??? Shebi HIV na virus? How will an anti-bacterial agent prevent an infection by a virus? Make una help me wonder.

In the months that followed, I encountered several similar situations. Guys ranging from the smart, eloquent and well-dressed, to the ones with abundant swagger to supply the continent, to the ones so razz, a MAULAG babe wouldn’t even think twice about are involved in this act. If we are friends, and you indulge in this shameless and quite senseless act, I really don’t know what to say to you.

I had a male friend once who believed males are almost immune to sexually transmitted diseases. His reason? The length of the penile shaft. For the Yoruba audience (no offense intended), he means the length of his penis. Still don’t understand? Ask the man next to you. I agree with him, because comparing the male reproductive system to that of the females, males have just ONE opening to the outside world, while females have about 3 0r 4. Do the maths. Let me explain this with a simple diagram.

File:Male anatomy en.svg

This is the male reproductive system, if by now, you don’t know. You see the urethral opening? That is the only route for movement in and out of the male urogenital system. As I said, I agreed on the near-immunity of males to STDs based on their anatomy. Before micro-organisms travel from any part of a man’s body to the urethral opening, a woman will use the same time to finish dressing up for that wedding…meaning it takes a long time. Heck, the man might just go take a shower, and a good percentage of the organisms will be gone. I can see some dudes smiling.

Wait a minute. We see you. We see you walking down the street, in clubs, at that birthday party, doing the occasional, or in some, ‘frequent’ ‘packing’. Packing had always amused me, right from my early pubertal years. It took me a university degree to find out it was a semi-cool way of alleviating the itchy feeling behind your boxers. Let me give you something to ponder about male itching.

  • Almost all STDs have the initial symptoms of itching. Do not itch in silence, visit a Physician.
  • Apart from the risk of contacting HIV, do you know Syphilis? It is such an annoying disease that nobody wants to claim its bragging rights. Italians called it “the Spanish disease.” The French dubbed it “the English disease.” Among Russians, it was known as “the Polish disease.” Among Arabs? “The disease of Christians“. The disease, syphilis, begins by causing crusty sores in private places. After hiding out in the body for years, it can emerge to drive people insane and then kill them. I think you should have gotten the information by now.
  • Have you also heard of Gonorrhea, Herpes Simplex Virus type 2 infection, Human Papiloma virus infection, and Chlamydia infection? Along with HIV and Syphilis, they are the 6 most common STDs in men. Despite tremendous advances in understanding and controlling STDs, they’re still out there spoiling the party. Don’t let them spoil yours.
  • You are such a badass guy that you can’t wash your underwear, or you don’t even wear at all? Things would soon go bad.

Men's underwear picture featuring SLY Underwear Wear clean underwear!

  • How sexually clean are you? Some of you don’t care if the girl is the dirtiest pig in town. The girl going down on you, do you know her? Some girls carry the oral forms of STDs. A guy gisted me once, ‘… the girl smelt sooo badly, but if you see her ‘uku’ (waist) ehn, Adesuwa, I couldn’t just resist… I slept with her o, but I treated myself later…’ Treated yourself for what, If i may ask?
  • I even heard some of you reuse condoms. Ahn,ahn, Gold circle brand of condoms is just N30.oo for a pack of three.
  • The prevalence of young hot females living with HIV/AIDs is alarming, no jokes. This doesn’t stop them from fixing brazillian weaves, doing french tips, or colour blocking. My point is, they are attractive. While HIV is not a death sentence, Do not risk it. Know your status no be curse. Strive to know the status of your partner(s).

forget the horse.. ride a cowboy         She’s sizzling, right? spare her a second thought pls…

  • You think wiping your butt after taking a dump is feminine? Maybe the formation of irritating sores around your favourite region should jolt your thinking faculty to reality.
  • The girl said no? Good. You might have just saved yourself from a killer disease. Let her go…everything good will come.

This last bit is for the ladies. If, for any reason, your not comfortable with the sanitary condition of your guy’s privates, do not succumb to his moves. Don’t listen to ‘Baby just the tip’, or ‘Ok just your tongue’.  What about this my guy who has just finished eating suya and/or pepper soup and the next thing, he wants to perform cunnilingus on his babe. That is all sorts of evil and inconsiderate. Show some respect please! Ladies, let me inform you that his love will not save you from the deadly Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and other wicked infections. His strong love should be enough to drive him into the bathroom to adequately wash up. I hope I have not cramped anybody’s style o.

Any questions, comments, contributions? Don’t you ever hesitate to ask me.

It’s me again, Adesuwa. Have a safe weekend!

Just before you go hard!

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32 comments on “Just before you go hard!

  1. Hmmmmmmm! True word babe. STDs can b stopped wth knowin de status of ur partner. But i hav a question. Symptoms of most STDs if u can. So we guyz can knw if we hav gotten any

  2. Na dat diagram u call simple abi? #Godiswatching u!! By d way its 4 in a pack of Gold circle condoms for 30 box.and if u can’t afford dat guys abeg use sugar nylon.beautiful piece once again. 🙂

  3. Thanks for these tips I really like them a lot and I hope that a lot of people will see it and share it with friends. I know I will

  4. Go Connie! Nice piece very insightful. I had no idea that some Guys don’t wipe after taking a dump. That is quite something. eeK! Keep up the good work

  5. If anyone didn’t know you were female, they know now. You went hard on the dudes, all puns intended. Nevertheless, it’s all true. Good job, love.

  6. Very informative and brilliant too. I think you should get yourself a column space on any of the reputable newspapers around. Go pharmacist, go pharmacist go! …….lol.

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